I’ve always been a bit ‘bothered’ by the notion of girls’ toys and boys’ toys.
As a child I would play on the pit hills and bomb sites that surrounded my home. I wore my brothers’ cast off jeans and climbed the one tree that graced our neighbourhood. But, even in my scruffiest den building days, I was still aware that I was a female. My brothers regularly played with my dolls. We all dressed up in whatever was around, frocks, blouses, jewellery. It didn’t alter the fact that they were boys.
I’ve always encouraged my own boys to just be themselves. They all had the same chances to express themselves as individuals. If they wanted a doll, that was fine. A toy vacuum cleaner….even better. I get cross when I see the aisles in shops labelled as ‘boys toys’ and ‘girls’ toys’ and I challenge all sexist comments made within my hearing,
But I must confess to feeling uncomfortable with the idea of a child being raised with no gender identity at all.
I’m referring of course to the youngster whose parents chose to raise their child simply as ‘the infant’ and whose gender, until recently, was a secret from all but a few people.
I’m sure we don’t have the full picture, and I suppose it’s their own business, but I can’t help feeling sorry for them.
I truly believe that boys and girls should have the same chances to pursue their interests and to do whatever they want with their lives. I really feel that we, as parents and as teaching assistants, should encourage all children to achieve to their full potential.
But the truth is…boys and girls are different.
You only have to look around a playground to see this. I’m not talking about things like football and dolls.
Look around you. Which kids are rough and tumbling? Which ones are playing rhyming games? Who is just watching, taking it all in?
I once attended a seminar on how to raise boys’ involvement and achievement in education.
The speaker reminded us that, in cave man times, the boys were off throwing spears and the girls were organising things back at the cave. OK, that may a bit simplistic. But the truth is we are different.
And that’s OK. It’s fine to be different.
Just as long as we are equal.

We love labels in the teaching profession don’t we.
Dys this and AD that. We love to find a ‘proper’ reason for the actions and the behaviour of the children we support.
I’ve just been chatting with a good friend of mine whose son, at just eight years old, is in the process of being labelled. His teacher last year thought he might have ADHD, This year, the school wonders if he has ASD. They have said they will be contacting the educational psychologist to have him assessed.

His mother is worried sick. She believes he is just a bit immature and lively.

I’ve tried to reassure her, encouraged her to talk to school, to see the visit from the educational psychologist as a positive. But she sees the whole thing as a bit of a stigma.

I have to say I was taken back to the days when my own children were in Primary school. I remember so well the walk of shame into the classroom as the other mums were heading off home and we were kept behind. The reasons were varied. Once it was because my son had insisted upon going the wrong way around the hall in dance. I was told this was unacceptable as ‘all the other children followed him instead of the teacher.’ Another time he was in trouble for handing out the paper the wrong way. Instead of taking a piece and passing the pile along, he was handing the lot round the table, despite being told many times to do it the teacher’s way. KS2 came and things went from bad to worse. He would insist on talking to adults as if he were their equal. He would ask embarrassing questions of the vicar when he took assembly.

Can you see where this is going?

To me, his mother, he was a lively, immature little boy. To the teachers he was a contrary, outspoken horror who had to do things his own way.
Parents’ evenings were a nightmare. There we would sit, on tiny chairs, our heads hung in shame.I cried when I was told by one teacher that my son had no friends and they thought he should see the psychologist.

What shame! My son needed to see a psychologist.

These days I would understand that an educational psychologist understands how children learn. I would see them as a positive. But in those days I remember thinking that they were the first step to some bedlam-like incarceration for my son.
So, I was able to totally empathise with my friend. Better still, I could reassure her that ed psychs don’t usually have horns and a forked tail, and that they are always on the side of the child. I advised her to talk to the SENCO at her son’s school to set her mind at rest.
If there are difficulties, they will find a way round them, for the sake of her son.

Oh, by the way, my son turned out quite well thank you.
He is, and always will be one of a kind.
And, yes, I love him that way.

I love my fresh start each January. It’s my chance to begin afresh, to break old bad habits and establish new ones. We all need that fresh start, that second chance.

I’ve always had a soft spot for the more challenging pupils.  They are the children who stand outside the Head’s office, waiting to confess their latest escapade. Look at them, with their eyes downcast, their shoulders hunched as they consider their fate. Or maybe they are glaring defiantly at passers by. What’s going on in their minds? What’s going on in their lives?

Some kids start off on the wrong foot in Reception class and their reputations follow them throughout school. Their names echo round the staff room as their crimes are re-examined daily over coffee and a custard cream. No wonder these children re-offend. Let’s face it, we expect it of them.

Maybe it’s time to give them a fresh start.

New Year is a great time to discuss fresh starts with these children, but so are new terms, new weeks…new days. After all, a year is a long time to wait to be given a second chance. Some children need a fresh start every lesson.

I was talking to a TA recently about her work with an older pupil. This child has a lot of negative stuff going on at home. As you’d expect, this affects his school work and his behaviour.

The TA told me how she has worked with this pupil to establish a trusting relationship. She described how she has helped him to identify the types of behaviour that are unacceptable. She helped him to draw up a behaviour contract, one that lists clear expectations and sets out consequences to unwanted behaviour. He took a major part in drawing up this contract and has said that he finds it helpful as a tool to remind him of the expectations of others.

This wasn’t done overnight. It takes a long time to build up that type of relationship with a child. It requires honesty, consistency, understanding and mutual respect. This child still has some major problems around his behaviour. His home life is still disruptive and unsettled and still impacts upon his school life, but he knows, and the TA knows, that every day is a chance for a new beginning.

A fresh start.